They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
