Old men and throwing up are my life now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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