I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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