I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
