So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
