just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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