He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
