turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
