every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize