I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
