Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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