I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
