I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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