I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
