then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
