I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Randomize
