So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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