At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I love you.
Bad choice
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
