I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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