can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
