Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
