Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
