My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize