she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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