3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
