That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
