Moan for me like Helen Keller
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Mom said you looked used
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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