it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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