Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
