Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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