We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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