Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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