i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
