I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
