im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hell yes lets make some ravioli
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
