I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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