Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
