Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
