the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
