I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
