I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
