umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
