she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
