dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
