I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
