I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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