Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
