Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
