cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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