i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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