He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
