Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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