I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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