Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
