I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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