i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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