Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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