I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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