false alarm. still invincible.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
