highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
