I just saw a hot homeless man
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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