I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
