omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
