It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
