I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
