Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
